You know... this blog is becoming my diary... but I have to say it to someone.. you.. the only person who cares.. who reads my words and who believes I am a good person. Because I don't. And if I don't, someone has to.
I have got a history. I wish I haven't but I have. Being no one can hurt. I know that and I realize that. But sometimes is the chance make your own present and history more valuable then we know. Then we are aware.
And what happened? What the hell did happen?
I used to date someone. We were together over half of year. And then I broke up with him. It scared me. The relationship that was so serious and he liked me, loved me so much. It scared me. Do you understand? Do you know what I mean? I had to run. It was the only thing I could have done. And I did that. I probably wasn't trying enough or maybe that wasn't enough. Sometimes - often.. usually... it just doesn't work how we wish.. You know?
So I ended that up. And I was sure that was right decision. But he was so devastated! So much unhappy. For such a long time. He was always gone, he listened to music, he was so sad!
Until a few last days. I really thought that he is over me. Because he looked so happy. I believed we could be friends again. Not more. Although I would want we can't. I would be too afraid it would end up exactly like that again. And that is over me...
But he looked better. He told me something. I believed.
And today. They were making fun of him. As usually. And one boy said that I so devastated him. And I said of course I didn't. This is already something else..
And one friend of mine said that I was wrong. That was still me. That is still me. She didn't want to tell me that because I would be sad.. And I am.. Because yesterday I told her that perhaps he is already OK and we could be friends. I believed that and I had to look so happy that time...
I am so unhappy.. as usual... Why do these things happen?
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