Pathtic girl

Diary, short stories, the most important...
At first we learn to walk then learn to scream..

Tuesday 13 September 2011

Hypocritical

Once upon a time there was a little girl who couldn't talk. That was not because she missed her tongue or lips were together (I have to admit that would be really ugly) but she was mentally challenged. Or to be more specific - she was an idiot.

She was a shame for her parents. The hated her but they were too scared to admit that. She blamed him and he blamed her. They both were guilty and non of them cared.

And the princess begged their parents because she wanted to play with them. She loved them and they hated her. Everyone hated her...

So once.. when she again tried to talk (but she couldn't because she was an idiot) an beautiful fairy appeared and asked little princess what is wrong. But little girl couldn't talk so fairy thought there is nothing wrong and left without saying goodbye.

Sunday 11 September 2011

I am lost

Today I've lost the only thing I like about myself... Today and I can't blame anyone but myself.

I like my hair. That is the only thing I actually like about myself. I liked. Because it was long. Long and so comfortable. It felt good when I touched it and it felt even better when I played with that. I really liked mi hair. Actually I loved it but probably it doesn't matter anyway.

I wanted my sister to cut it because it needed it. The only thing I care about in my life. And I trusted my sister because it is important to me.

And now I have so short hair and I look so much fatter. But I really don't want to blame her. So it will be just my little pity... The truth about my hair... Something I liked. And now it is gone...

But I have no right to blame anyone but myself... Oh my god! Why am I doing this?

Please... Never let me go... Please..

And now... I don't like anything about me... I hate my body and I hate my hair even more. I am so sorry... But I really want to be brave about that.. Although I cried and cried. Although I am still crying and I think I will cry always when I see it again. Mirrors are now my enemies. Why did that happen?

It had to grow for 4 years... And it even didn't reach my waist. That was the dream I couldn't wait for. And it will never come true, will it?

Sunday 4 September 2011

Walt Disney

I am watching all those films now.. They are so beautiful and so sweet. Everything ends up well.. Everything has only beautiful people and everywhere is so nice English.. I miss my young me... I really do..

Oh my god I hate my diary!! 

I've changed my blog again... I don't know why I am still doing that... It is always the same.. And I still hate it... Although I am not able to run from it... I just am sick of my blog and I don't do anything with that... 

Speak of running.. remember how I told you about the not-single boy? I slept next to him.. but I couldn't fall asleep.. so I run away.. really I really run away.. disappeared and that was so amazing feeling... I am so hypocritical... I am :-)... never mind

Today I had a dream... I was talking to Iwish's boyfriend.. but not because I like him or something like that (because I don't).. but because even her boyfriend was talking to me but she didn't.. that is why I was so sad in that dream... I just wish she starts to talk to me again... that would be so good!!

But she won't unless I will start (and I can't say even that for sure).. and I am proud and I am afraid of the truth... 

I found out that I didn't miss school at all because it was still such a stupid thing!! Never mind... 

Goodbye 

Beauty and the Beast

I saw this movie a few days ago (two actually) and I really like the men who talks at the beginning. He has so wonderful voice... I just want to know who he is because I couldn't find that.. because if I would I would try to find something else with his voice.. perhaps he's read some book aloud..
.
Anyway.. That is not the point..

For who could ever learn to love a beast...

And then I realised that perhaps I am a beast... not exactly from the outside view, but the whole film isn't about the look.. it is about the emotional part. And  I am not quite sure that someone could ever love me (and to be honest I really don't want to be in love with someone)...
And when I think about that I don't deserve anything...
My friend told me that if he wouldn't know me he would judge me the worst way... And then I think about that and then I know that if someone starts to know me I should run away.. Because I am not a good person.. And this person starts to know me... And that is the worst thing imaginable..

I started something with a boy who has got a girlfriend... And that is pathetic... But I couldn't stop (I did but after minutes of ... well... we hadn't slept together)

And I feel guilty.. and it is so wrong.. I guess I need someone. Have someone so I could stop with those mistakes that I regret and I can't sleep... I am such a jerk!!
Do you know someone?

I am a Beast, aren't I?