My own surprise

It was a prom yesterday. You know - those people who are about 2 years older then us - me. And many pairs who love each other and people I know and people I care about.

The worst of all is that while I was standing there and watching those people coming for their cup of fame and the went through the rain of coins I discovered one thing.

I actually care about him. Like I really, really like him. And I always liked him. You know - the way that he is hot (handsome) and funny and irresponsible and nice.

It doesn't matter anyway because he is in love with his girlfriend and I am actually glad. Because I know that it wouldn't end well anyway. So I just know that it is supposed to be like this.

Why was I talking to him at previous prom? Why was I?

I don't know. But to be honest - it's killing me. For a few months I've been thinking about another person I will like like I used to like him before. And I guess I've found him. But I am not this kind of girl who will talk or cry about it. I am just a girl who is loved by one boy she doesn't love. But nothing more. No one else. And it's a good thing because I am not good at relationships. I always do something stupid - laugh at the one I like because I can. Rude because it's not the way I imagined.

I am so sad about that. But whatever. I won't mention it again. I just wanted to have it. I just wanted to say that to someone. And ignore the fact that it will never work - because admit it - he'll leave and I won't have even chance to get to know him. Be friend with him because that is enough for me.

And the other one was great. He is so nice person when he doesn't try other way. And if he were this way always I would like him more then he knows - no the Love way. Just like him. Secrets are nothing to me. Because it screams in my mouth and I have no one to talk about that. I can't talk to him about that because he doesn't know I know. I can't talk about it with T because she doesn't know I know it. I can't talk about that with Iw because she actually have no time for me - just me. But it doesn't matter.

I am alone in this. And why am I writing it here? Because I hope someone'll understand and won't judge me because I like someone who's dating someone else. It's just a feeling and I cannot just make it stop whether I choose.

So please understand what I mean to say...