Hurt

Yesterday one of the most important people in my life told me he doesn't want to talk to me anymore. He told me just that it's his fault - but can that be his fault? I'm the one who made something wrong - because he doesn't want to talk to me. I am the wrong one there.

And today (in a pub) he just ignored me all time long. He didn't say anything to me. He was talking to all those people (sitting as far from me as was possible) and T was asking me whether I was OK. But the truth is that I wasn't OK. I take those things personally and I've already lost him once. And now another time. And it might seem childish - but I don't want to loose him.

But I can see I do. And I can only be there and write that on the internet because that's all. And it really hurts me. I am not OK. And I am not quite sure if I should be.

So I am just crying a bit. And writing sad status on the internet. And I was keeping myself alife about one more half a year than before. And now it is finally there. The sadness and lost. And I am a bit afraid I have a broken heart. Which is even worse than I thought. Because I didn't want that.

I actually didn't want any of this. But I guess I have no other option than keep sitting there and being alone. Because that's actually all I can (and I am able) to do.

I just know I am going to miss him - miss him a lot. Because he's very important - he's not aware of that though. And that's a pity. I just wish all those things go away...

Anyway.. thanks for reading this.. or at least - thanks for viewing this ... and thanks for understanding this. Thank you all a lot...